Explainations

Eric's uncle passed away last week. Over the weekend, we went to his services in Southern New Hampshire. In some ways, it was good that he passed on. He has battled terminal cancer for 3 years, when the docs originally told him just 2 months. He was a strong fighter.

When we packed up the car for the long day trip and headed out the driveway, Aiden immediately asked "Where are we going today?" To me, my pause seemed like eternity. How was going to describe what we were doing today? Aiden, in my bias opinion, is quite smart and reasonable, but I wasn't sure where to begin. When it comes to explaining complicated situations to Aiden, I try to give him details but not too many. I try to satisfy the question without creating more. I try to explain things to him in a scaled down grown up manner...

"Well, Aiden....Daddy's uncle has died...so we are going to his service today". Was that too much, I thought? Does he even know what 'he has died' means? Has he ever heard the word 'died' before? Does he know what I mean by a 'service'?

"Oh" he said. And that was it for a long time. Until we got closer....

I felt like I should prepare him. I wanted him to know how he was expected to act at the service. I knew this would create more questions....

"Aiden, when we get to Uncle Bub's service today, people are going to be sad. It's important that you are quiet and use your best manners".

"Why are people going to be sad?"

"Because Uncle Bub has died and that means that we won't get to see him anymore".

"Why did he die?"

"Because he was very sick." Uh oh...was Aiden going to equate this 'sick' with the colds he gets all the time and become upset?

"But I'm not sick, right mommy?"

"No, you're not sick Aiden. This is a different kind of sick, nothing like your runny nose"

I was sweating bullets at this point. I wanted Aiden to understand the concept, without being scared. I was so worried that I was describing this wrong to him. I was trying to be honest but not scarey!

Thankfully, the conversation ended after this. As we pulled up to the service and walked into the chapel, he told me that he was going to be quiet because people were crying and they were sad. He was perfect throughout the entire service. Aiden and I stood in the back, while Eric stood with his mom and dad. Aiden stood still. He watched the speakers carefully and was listening to their words. He only said a couple things to me through the service and he spoke in a gentle whisper....he said "mommy...is Grampie crying?" I thought it was very sweet.

I was very proud of Aiden this weekend. I don't think he exactly knows what dead means...and that's okay. But, what he did get out of this weekend was a better understanding of compassion and sympathy. On a topic that can be so touchy (in my opinion) I'm hoping he took in some good lessons and held on to the information that helps him best...in his three year old way!